Printing out classical piano sheet music is a wonderful feeling. First of all, it is free. Second of all, it is complicated. Classical music scores are like an epic novel. You need to work at it. The moment you print out 15 pages of sheets filled with tiny black notes, the sense of anticipation begins.
It’s like the moment you set you hands on a thick 1000 epic novel. Or like the moment you set out a seminal paper of an economic model.
You need to chew on it. You need to stare at it. You need to practice on it.
That’s classical piano music.
For you who have been with me since college, you should know my affair with Polonaise in Ab minor, Op 53 “Heroic.”
I just printed out the 10 pages again.
I am at it again.
I also have my eyes set on Etude 3, La Campanella, Liszt.
Filed under: Random
In the context of yesterday’s mood, I had a very strange dream.
It’s about me raising a little dog. A pug, to be exact.
I always say that if I were to have a dog it’ll be a pug.
So I dreamt that I have this baby pug, who runs around my apartment. I would help it take a bath. (The strange thing is that this pug does not have any gentalia — it’s asexual) And the strangest thing is, the pug knows where to pee! It would always pee in the bathtub.
I thought it was adorable how since its infancy the pug would know where to pee.
Everyday I came back from work (Yes, I dreamed that I was a working person!) , I would see the pug crawling in the bathtub.
Filed under: Musings
My current thought can be summarized as the following:
1. 安居思危: My Dad left me with this proverb before I left HK last winter. Indeed lately I was thinking, I have been too happy for my own good.
2. 化悲发为力量: I need this chemical reaction to happen on me.
Filed under: Musings
My various conversations with people who have worked on the Hill all point to one fact: staffers on the Hill have to make snap decisions all the time. They don’t have time to analyze the issues carefully; consequently they have to call up think tanks or whatever sources they can find to base their decisions.
This calls to my mind an article I read a year or 2 before about a twenty-something political appointee who was appointed to go to Iraq and design a functional stock market system.
The appointee was trained as a lawyer and had absolutely no experience in finance.
The consequence is disastrous, as every sane person could imagine.
I just came back from a panel on National Security, and the panel consists of both young and senior people working in various national security agencies. As I listened, it struck me that some of them had to actually do tasks that are important and unfortunately they also have to make snap decisions. Sort of like MBAs–decision making becomes second nature to you.
Whether those decisions are wise or not, you don’t have time to ponder over.
That’s why being an academic is nice, as I can dwell over the rigor.
But I wonder: if we allow all government agents to randomly make decisions, what would the world be like today?
Could it actually be better?
P.S. I am depressed the whole day. Don’t ask.
Filed under: Personal
You might note that I haven’t been posting about 32 dates or 1 date or bars.
Well, it might satiate your curiosity to note that, 1 week into my work, I have found a lover that takes up all my time. His first name starts with an E, and his last name starts with a R.
Yes, his name is Economics Research!
How I passionately love Ye! You so completely takes up my time and makes my blood boils again! I think about you all the time!
I have begun working since Monday–in the most bureaucratic institution I ever worked in.
It is disgustingly bureacratic.
As an example, I still haven’t received my computer, since my security clearance has not gone through yet even 3 days after I arrived. (It takes them about 7 days to process my finger prints) And I still haven’t received my ID card, and was told that since I haven’t received my ID card yet I need to escorted everywhere I go in the building. Today I asked to be escorted to the vending machine to buy an expansive chocolate bar. I cannot even been seen to be using someone’s computer. Well, they have successfully instilled fear in me. Today when I found myself accidentally in the “investigations” section of the floor, which houses long and deep rooms with filing paper cabinets, I freaked out and ran.
It stuck me that while private companies–and even non-profits — do maximize some sort of profit function, government agencies TRULY do not. They maximize the loss function. Seriously. Otherwise, with me there (I assume I am an asset), why are they not maximizing my use by matching me with working capital? All I produce now is consuming their excellent coffee (not even paying!) Currently my marginal product of capital is INFINITE.
Due to zero capital to work with, I substitute it with my labor, working on something that is not my comparative advantage in Chicago but apparent is in there– theory.
I talked to several people there and the ones I potentially will work with. The issues are all interesting. But some of their reduced form tendencies are highly disturbing. I was surprised by my own very strong negative sentiments about the reduced form stuff. Frankly I felt a bug in my stomach when I heard what I was expected to do. It was as if someone to perform a surgery on an old 95-year-old woman with cancer at the terminal stage.
Call it the result of Chicago brainwash. But honestly I don’t see other ways of research other than structural. I mean, one can first run a couple regressions based on intuition to get some idea of where to proceed, but ULTIMATELY, the research has to come down to structural. The talk about “specification issue” when they are doing reduced form strikes me as completely pretentious.
TOTAL DISGUST WAS WHAT I FELT, THAT IS— UNTIL 3pm TODAY.
Until 3pm today, I was reading a bunch of theory papers, to reconcile some of those reduced form approaches. What struck me — like Muhammad Ali punching my stomach — is that some of these reduced form equations are, in fact, justified exactly by theory! (UNBEKNOWST to the perpetrator of the reduced form)
The question is: does the theory precede the reduced form equation, or vice versa? The order matters, because the reduced form equation could have been the motive behind the development of the theory if the reduced form equation precedes justification by theory. It is more natural to think that theory guides the reduced form approach — but often it is not the case as the situation is ad hoc and the person just decide to throw in some variables on the right hand side.
When I was studying for the trade prelim, I discovered that the theoretical justification for the GRAVITY EQUATIONS came AFTER the reduced form equation. In fact, 20 years later! The gravitiy equations (an equation that predict trade flows between two countries) work so well that people decide to build a theory behind it. And VIOLA, following the steps of people maximizing their utility they indeed found an equation that matches the equation that reduced form trade economists have been using for years. Is this not amazing? And the theoretical model isn’t even complicated. It’s straightforwrad, and completely natural.
Following this amazement, I was temporarily in awe. Can it be that mathematical laws indeed do govern the behavior of humans and the gravity equation is just one of these laws that economists were able to discover? That even though humans are highly complicated beings, their behaviors are governed by law of mathematics? That when God created human beings, he was using one of these formulas?
This FAITH in that there exists mathematical laws governing the behavior of human beings is what made me a staunch believer in structural methods.
Therefore, I was shocked during L’s dinner when all the other people (all econ phD) said that they don’t believe that math can be used to describe human behavior. Shocked. Isn’t that belief supposed to form our trust in what we learned at Chicago?
Of course, now my amazement is lessened, realizing that some theorists could have been influenced by the result of the reduced form. That the structural equation is not indeed as pure as it seems.
Still, the theoretical development of the gravity equation amazes me.
So at 3pm today, I discovered that some reduced form they are doing are indeed justified theory, unbeknowst to them. After the shock, my disgust with reduced form was somewhat abated. You see, for every trade, there are masters. Some people have indeed MASTERED the art of reduced form. And it is an art. They got it so right, that unbeknowst to them, the specification is indeed justified by theory.
The conclusion is this: I have a newfound doubt about my disgust with reduced form.
That was a huge digression from my update about my summer job so far.
Now back to the topic—
So what was I saying? Yeah, so, despite the things with reduced form, I am still having a blast at work.
Because their is yet a silver lining in this mumbo jumbo. I console myself by telling myself that if being able to work in highly interesting things mean I have to also do highly uninteresting things, then I’ll do it. Because I do get to work on highly interesting things with two highly interesting researchers. I felt my blood BOILING again.
So even though my marginal product of capital is very high right now, and my marginal product of labor is very low — the fact that my marginal product of labor is very low is very exciting.
Do I sound like I am speaking in codes? Because I am. I am afraid that these people google me and say I break my security clearance. (In reality who wastes their effort prosecuting some useless dude like me?)
In short, I both very much enjoyed my job right now, despite the inconveniences with capital.
Hudson Institute, our neighbor, has these gym classes during lunch hours. Today I went to the yoga one. You see, it’s quite fun.
Indeed, the 3rd time is the charm.
This is my 3rd time to stay in Washington DC, and I have never enjoyed it more, one week into my stay. Although so far I have been staying in the ghetto area, I’ve realized some of my secretly relished dreams.
1. I found a cheap liquidation mart in the ghetto area. Living in DC for 2 years between 2004-2006, I always loathe that there’s not gigantic chain store i.e. K-Mart, Walmart, Target in the district area. So it turns out the gigantic discount store is located in the ghetto! There I can buy cheap bedsheets and cheap furnitures.
2. I had dinner at Afterwords (my favorite favorite favorite restaurant! (behind Kramers bookstore), lunch at Luna Grill, dinner at this outdoor cool place on 17th street and had mango margarita, and dinner at another diner at Union Station, soon dinner at another of my favorite favorite at Ebbit Grill, and soon Vanilla Custard at Old Town Alexandria. The lack of choices of restaurants in Hyde Park has given me a new appreciation for the variety of bars and restaurants that DC has to offer. And I seek these restaurants boldly and enthusiastically. Oh how I love the choice of food DC has to offer! How decadent!
3. Today at my old workplace, a former colleague remarked I carried myself now more maturely. I know the truth of that statement, as now when I walk into a bar, I level my glances in a calm surveillance of the environment. I can hold my Bud Light (3 beers in a row), and I can sit by myself at the bar table and strike coversations with strangers while holding my poise. (at least I think I have)
Filed under: Musings
What my former boss said yesterday had stayed with me until today. He said, “I went to my first date in 40 years!”
So I think, where do these old, post mid-life people, find their dates? It’s hard enough for young dudes like me. But them? How?
I found the answer today — in a Sailing Club.
I was surprised to find that people who come to the social sailing today in Virginia are mostly post-midlife people. More importantly of all, they are all single.
I have never met so many single mid-age people in my life.
One forty-ish woman was even wearing a string of pearls.
I sailed with 5 other people in my Flying Scot. 1 of them looks like an ancient version of Gilligan from Gilligan’s Island. The other looks like Myerson. The fifty-ish Irish lady looks like an aged version of Miranda from Sex and the city. And the other forty-ish lady with the string of pearls look like my sustitute teacher back in high school (*gasp…I hope it’s not her indeed).
Flying Scot can hold 6 people. It is so stable that the chance of capsizing is slim. One feels safe on the boat, which means that fun is reduced.
I cast my envious eyes toward the 4 laser sailing out from Georgetown, who were aggressively cutting off each other’s path. Then I look back to Gilligan and utter a laugh to Myerson’s Jewish joke.
Today I went back to visit my former work place, and talked to basically everybody I knew when I worked there. After 3 hours of non-stop catching up, I exited the glass castle with this mushy I’m-so-loved feeling.
It’s so nice to see that people are excited to see you and genuinely loved you.
People I caught up with today included: M (book editor), H (web editor), T (former boss), M (former boss), D (my replacement generation I), D (my replacement generation II), M (my high school classmate who turned out to work at my former work place, R (manager of workplace), M (financial director).
The most pleasant surprise is that my desk was actually kept very much like when I was there!
The bamboo which I brought in with me (then merely 5 inchese) has grown into a 3 ft monster!
Of course there are changes. One of my bosses’ spouse suddenly died, but he told me that he went on his first date in 40 year!
M is leaving the institute, that’s sad for me but great for her. Still it feels so warm and happy to be catching up the good times. It was known that my picture with a coworker was on her wall all this time. And she said we were her favorite bunch.
When I was first in 2nd floor chatting to H, my bosses came down to the 3rd floor from the 4th floor. Boss M, upon hearing that I am in the building, yelled in his booming voice, “ANNA IS HERE???? WHERE IS SHE RIGHT NOW?” I waved from below. But I felt the sun shone on me at that moment. This boss is an odd man. He does not open to everybody, so when he behaved so warmly to me I am quite touched. I still remember when I applied grad school what a rock he had been.
All the hugs. Even I couldn’t help but give hugs at that moment.
In the end, Boss T introduced me to the 2nd generation of my replacement. He said, “If you do well enough, you can come back.”
I said, “But I want to follow your footsteps!”
Although Boss T shyied away, I think he was all smiling inside.
Sweet sweet people who loved you! (this is of course because you no longer worked there. When you are no longer there your legacy was beautified and you became immortal)
