COFFEE & BISCUITS

There simply cannot be a deep platonic friendship between an available man and an available woman.   The rare case that it exists is if the friendship was forged during the unworldly times of youth.  Once men and women grew up, they became different species and if they are not instantly attracted to each other, they would regard each other with mutual suspicion.  Thus, no deep friendship is bound to exist.

The suspicion may not be mutual.  Many single women single-sidedly regard single men who eagerly strike conversation with them with suspicion and will react by distancing themselves if they don’t find them suitable to their potential mate.  If they did not distance themselves, when the single men one day declare their affection only to be turned down, the single men will accuse the women of leading them on.

Same with single men.  Single women who actively try to be friends with them would be regarded as hitting on them and my understanding of the male tendency is that they tend to be scared and therefore immediately distance themselves.  Again, this is a lop-sided response.

Thus no deep friendship can ever be forged between a single woman and a single man in the grown up world.  For they will always eye each other with suspicion if they don’t see each other as potential mate.

The tragedy of this is that it will be a pareto optimal situation if only they could be friends.  Women can offer their womanly sensitivities to the men, and men can offer their hard-headedness and straight talking view to the women.  Therefore, they can support each other and have a large set of choices for emotional support.

I would regard this mutual suspicion as iceberg cost.

The society of single men and single men need to decrease this iceberg cost to facilate more trade!

If only single women and single women have the following code of conduct when they greet each other:

Single woman or single man:  Hello, do not fear me.  I will not declare that I love you.  I just want to be friends with to and talk to you about life and books and music and movies and do and talk about stuff that friends do and talk about and play sports.  Let’s kick down the walls between us and have a heart to heart.

Then continue to talk about what friends talk about, and do what friends do. 

(note that in the FRIENDS tv series, that circle of friends ened by hooking up with one another.  I wish this would not happen.  In my experience, this does happen very often.  You were in the same circle of friends and suddenly they are hooking up with one another.  It sucks for Joey.  But you see, that proves my point again:  available men and women can only be so called “friends” as defined by the FRIENDS series if they were at least attracted to each other as potential mate)

If you want to know why I am saying this, it is because I am always regarded with this suspicion from the opposite sex, if their reaction to me is not instant and aggressive advances.  I see the fear in their eyes.  There is an invisible lines which they dare not cross, and if I take the initiative to cross, they huddle together and withdraw rapidly.   I would like to offer my friendship to them, but they fear to take it.

Don’t worry baby.  I just want to be friends with you.  Seriously.