COFFEE & BISCUITS

The process of writing this exam is so memorable that I had to document here so that in the years to come I’ll remember how “exciting” it has been.   It has been exciting in the sense that since I started on Friday night I had been very excited about it to a degree that when I am in bed I would be thinking about it and couldn’t wait to get up to do it. Would rather not sleep to do it.  Usually this happens only when I am really excited about a research idea and want to work on it.  Thinking back, Mick Jagger’s material always made me behave this way:  could spend days look at it with concentration (though only understanding it mildly in the end) and have this urge of wanting to continue look at it.   In fact, I don’t think other classes have this effect on me.  Trade has it, but the urge is not as strong.   Mick Jagger’s stuff is addictive.

You see, I am still trying to analyze why Mick Jagger’s class has such effects on me such that I kept on taking them.  This course caused me much pain towards the end of each professor because I wasn’t understanding as much things as I should and that caused fear.  But toward the last week, I became quite into it again because I, belatedly but finally, made the connection between all the papers we are reading about to things that my parents care about.  There’s finally a real world connection.  This paved for the way for my excited attempt for the exam.

Another reason for my excited attempt of the exam is that it’s the last one for my second year.  From Friday to Monday, whenever I think that this will be the last exam which I would be working until I see the sunrise, and the last exam to be stress over because of grade issues, I became reenergized and attacked it with zeal.  The thought that I could finally be a full time researcher, running my OWN show, gives me the energy to close this year with a bang and then cast me unworldly eye toward the future of research joys and pains.

But these expectations, incomplete understanding and yet strong resolve to do the exam well made the exam writing process of Friday to Monday an emotional roller coaster ride.  It has been so full of ups and downs that I felt like a year has past.  The process is like a movie:  one minute you are feeling down because you got something wrong, the next minute, you are super happy because you thought you found a solution to the problem, the next minute you…..anyway, here is a brief documentation:

Friday 10pm:  downloaded the 8 pages exam.  There are 4 questions. (each question with a, b, c, d, e, f etc)  Started the last problem which requires you to read a paper.  I read the paper with relish because I like reading and avoiding math.  Was happy because the paper is actually very understandable.  Felt very optimistic about exam.

Saturday 3am:   Began question 3a.  Same as problem set so cool.  Feeling very optimistic.  (But have not seriously looked at probelm 1 and 2 which looks long and daunting since heard bad things about those two). 

Saturday 5am:  read through homework to understand 3a because I didn’t know how to do it in the homework.  Understood it and couldn’t wait to start that problem.

Saturday 11am:  Began question 3b, with the expectation that it’s easy.  And with the expectation that by 4pm of the day will have finished problem 3 (a, b, c, d, e)

Saturday noon:  Realized that 3b requires writing out algebra because it’s a variation of 3a.  And to me no algebra is easy and all algebra takes time.

Saturday 3:35pm:   Realized that something is terribly wrong with my approach after 3 typed pages of algebra.  Did not know what too do.

Saturday 4:00 pm:  terribly depressed because of wasted effort.

Saturday 4:10 pm:  terribly terribly depressed and had to lie down in bed.

Saturday 4:35pm:  Dragged myself from the bed to sit in front of computer.  Figured out my mistake and redid the algebra.

Saturday 4:55pm:  Wrote the computer codes for 3b and got something reasonable!  Felt like walking on clouds.

Saturday 5:30 pm:  finished part c swiftly and got reasonable numbers.   Experiencing nirvana.

Saturday 6:00 pm:  gushed about the excitement to mother and father since they called and it’s father’s day in Hong Kong.

Saturday 6:30 pm to 9:30pm:  in really good mood and decided to take a walk in the park outside apartment and walked to have dinner on 57 th street.  Talked to two friends and felt very happy.

Saturday 10pm – Begin 3d.  Experimented with different approach.

Sunday  5am – finished algebra for 3d.  Got something not totally crazy but not totally convincing.  But the sun has risen.

(Sunday 6:30 am to 4pm) went to bed at 6:30 am but couldn’t fall asleep until 9am.

Sunday 4pm – goal for day is to finished 3e and the whole problem of 2.  Began to worry since had a bad night sleep for a couple of days straight and strain is beginning to show.  Began 3e and not sure what to do.

Sunday 5pm- got inspiration from rock and had an inkling of what to do, but still got stuck on something.  Felt discouraged.   Look at Mick Jagger’s part and even felt very discouraged because have only less than 48 hours to do it.   Felt it’s hopeless to finish everything by then.  

Sunday 6pm – Forget it, have to start problem 2 (Mick Jagger’s part).  Because Mich Jagger’s part is quite different from question 3 and 4 (posed by the other professor), I decided to clean out my desk (with all the papers from the other professor) and take a long walk outside, to have a clean start. 

Sunday 8pm – begin working on Mick Jagger.

Sunday 10pm – 2a and 2b are smooth ride because similar to procedure used in homework.  Very happy.  (unbeknowst to me then some bad things is awaiting after 2b)

Sunday midnight – had pages of algebra for 2c.  Stare at the equations and at various point in time had flashes of IDEAS to get through it.  Everytime an idea hit, I was very excited because I thought that really was gonna solve the problem.   Everytime that idea fell through, I felt like a rock has fallen on my head.

Monday 1am:  The algebraic mess in 2c is not going anywhere.  Furthermore, realized that doing 2a in continuous time is in correct.

Monday 3am:  had continued to try 2c in the past hours but getting nowhere useful.  But started on 2d.  According to rock 2d is “easy”.  But again had terrible algebra for 2d and was getting nowhere.

Monday 3:15:  terribly, terribly discouraged.  Especially when looked problem 1 and the rest of problem 2 (and 3e) and wondered how in the world am I gonna beable to finish this by midnight on Monday (then, less than 24 hours)

Monday 3:30am:  started crying due to helplessness enhanced by looking at all the problem still awaiting to be solved under time pressure.  Called brother in NYC.  Brother in NYC joined in denouncing my school, and told me that he was in the ER for a cut finger the previous week.

Monday 4am:  Continued to work on 2d and realized that it was indeed simply.  Felt very happy and optimistic again.

Monday 5am:  Charged onto 2e, but has nothing useful to say.

Monday 5:30am:  Began to work on 2f, which is an algebraic mess.  But felt very optimistic since I felt like I know where I am going.

Monday 6:15am:  Algebra mess of 2f has developed controllably.  But realized that the result from the uncontrollable mess is unreasonable.  Felt sad.  Stopped working.

Monday 6:45am:  went to bed but mind could not stop thinking and did not fall asleep until 8am.  Had an idea of what to do with 3e.  Couldn’t wait to get out of bed to work on it.

Monday 11 am:  Went back to  3e to reworked something.  Begin problem 1.

Monday noon:  Felt very good about problem 1 and know exactly what I am doing. 

Monday 2 pm:  Finished problem 1 and felt very optimistic.

Monday 3 pm:  Redid problem 2a and 2b in discrete time.  Felt good.

Monday 4 pm:  Redid problem 2e.  Felt good.

Monday 4:30pm:  Went back to problem 3e.  Implemented idea, and it worked. 

Monday 5:30 pm:  got some ressults for 3e, though felt effy about it because something is strange.  But overall approach am satisfied.

Monday 6:55pm:  Embellished the existing work and decided to get it over with, submitted on chalk.

That’s the past 66 hours and 33 minutes, resulting in 23 pages of typed economics/algebra.