COFFEE & BISCUITS


R.I.P, a tribute to my Ghost Tree
February 7, 2010, 5:26 pm
Filed under: Personal

Dear 鬼樹:

Thank you for planting the seeds to my imagination in my younger years. You used to stand tall and slightly crooked, alone next to the Music room. I remember looking at you during music class. I was a lonely child in elementary school, but your presence at the corner of the school gave my imagination release as I wanted so badly to talk about you to my other classmates. We looked upon you in awe and fascination. We gushed about how someone’s sister’s friend was chased after by a witch that lived under you. I even dreamed about you and the witch that lived under you. Once, I bolstered my courage and announced to my classmates that I would lead an expedition to you, the Ghost Tree, afterschool in order to expel the witch. And I did lead a small group of classmates to you. Though we did not find the witch, I picked up a cone that fell to the ground from your branches and announced that they were evil seeds and traces left by the witch. The group and I then left you contentedly. I thank you for inspiring my first leadership experience. Thank you for giving that insecure mousy child a sudden boost of confidence.

Although you are now gone, you remain in my memory forever. Whenever I pass by that corner of the campus in Maryknoll, I will imagine the tall, crooked tree that used to sit there. I am grateful that I had you during my time.

Love,

Anna

傳說有修女在樹上吊頸瑪利諾校園內的南洋杉被學生稱為「鬼樹」,緣於學生流傳不少有關鬼樹的鬼故事,其中最令學生動容的是,傳聞曾經有一位修女在鬼樹上吊頸身亡,鬼樹流出的樹脂更被形容為修女流出的血。也有傳聞指鬼樹是巫婆化身,流出樹脂時像是巫婆在哭泣。舊生間代代相傳的流言,為鬼樹添上種種不同的詭異色彩。

瑪利諾舊生朱茵坦言,每一代學生對鬼樹的傳聞有不同說法,但都大同小異。她指最廣為流傳的是有一位修女曾經在鬼樹吊頸身亡,其後樹幹流出樹脂,就被繪影繪聲形容為流出修女的血。由於鬼樹處於校園內一個較偏僻的角落,以前學生休憩時也常被勸喻不要到鬼樹一帶,更為該處增添生人勿近的感覺。也有舊生指古老相傳樹木會食人,傳說曾經有學生在樹下打羽毛球時突然失蹤,被樹木吃掉。

More press:

樹齡70年、屹立於瑪利諾修院學校的「鬼樹」南洋杉,昨清晨終被「肢解」移除,近30名舊生及學生紛紛到場盡最後努力阻止,但未能扭轉鬼樹被斬的厄運,只能親眼目送鬼樹被逐少鋸斷吊走,部分人相擁流淚。



Congrats, I will actually probably live to write my dissertation
February 2, 2010, 2:45 pm
Filed under: Musings, Personal, Random, Running

These couple of weeks I am beginning to be convinced that either I am having these mini-heart attacks or I already have cancer. Today after 1 hour of poking and gathering data (including doing a EKG….where they paste stickers all over your body to get a sketch of your heart), the doctor diagnosed me as having:

COSTOCHONDRITIS

(a condition that gives symptoms that copy heart attacks)

As I picked up my medicine from Walgreens, I thought: as I get older, increasingly I am experiencing sickness which is atypical of those that I am familiar with. Since my mother is a nurse, I thought I kind of have an idea what is a “typical” sickness. But things like this COSTOCHONDRITIS I have never heard of. It’s a territory not ventured by me nor my family.

The doctor suggested that the reason for what I have could be due to overexcercising.

Ha! Overexcercising! While I did run a lot in the first half of 2009 and then did windsurfing in the summer, I did NOT even saunter even a little during the 3 months of fall. 0 excercise. In fact, I often felt so weak that I barely even want to walk on the street. Then, isn’t it incredible that the cause could be due to over-excercising?! If indeed my running / windsurfing lead to this thing, is this to suggest that I should not run / windsurf so much? But my running schedule wasn’t even close to a marathon training, and my windsurfing wasn’t that frequent. To reduce that amount means that I probably should be a couch potato.

In any case, I am pleased to know that I am probably not dying! :)

(but I am still waiting for results from blood test this Friday).



Reading NY Times Today
January 31, 2010, 6:48 pm
Filed under: Economics, Lifestyle, Politics

I want to share a few things in the paper today that evoke strong reactions from me:

1. The Apple in His Eye
This article talks about the significance of Steve Jobs’ role in the innovation of Apple products, including the Ipad. The greatness of Apple’s products lies in that they are “edited products that cut through complexity, by consciously leaving things out — not cramming every feature that came into an engineer’s head, an affliction known as ‘featuritis’ that burdens so many technology products.” This observation recalls to my mind all these mp3 players that I saw being sold in HK. Even as they tried to mimic the outward appearance of Ipods, the programs in the ipod-look-alike players are saddled with many programs, which not only burdened the capacity of the gadget, but in the end, has a high probability of being dysfunctional. Also, this observation recalls to my mind Google’s layout — also simple and functional (by the way, I noticed that Baidu’s layout is conspicuously like Google’s).

Finally, I really identify with the following quote from Steve Jobs on style:

Great products, according to Mr. Jobs, are triumphs of “taste.” And taste, he explains, is a byproduct of study, observation and being steeped in the culture of the past and present, of “trying to expose yourself to the best things humans have done and then bring those things into what you are doing.”

I had written in previous entries about my love for looking at beautiful things (I use beauty and style interchangeably). So I have often wondered myself, why is it that as with age I increasingly appreciate looking at beautiful things. The above passage in NYTimes puts my fascination into words. The appreciation of beauty and style does require periods of STUDY. And looking at it does make my heart go soft with admiration with the human capability. (Note that this is different from say, trying to make MYSELF beautiful; all I am talking about is my fascination with LOOKING at beautiful things…eventually, things that I would have the resource to collect)

2. Thomas Friedman’s column “Never Heard That Before
I have always found Friedman’s columns and books to be exaggerating, shallow, and alarmist. He is the quintessential sensational journalist, following wherever the wind blows (high noise). It’s unfortunate how much clout he holds in public opinion. While I would dismiss his usual writings, his column today sounds off alarm in my head as I ponder the possibility that it could be true (what makes it true is if many people think it’s true). He wrote that in Davos forum, delegates from Europe and Asia are asking if the United States is experiencing political stability. Furthermore, he received this question: “Is the ‘Beijing Consensus’ replacing the ‘Washington Consensus’?”

Ring – Ding – Ding- DINGGGGGG!!!!! Okay, that’s pause with that question right there. If that does not send chills down your spine, it does to mine. Here is Friedman’s explanation of the Beijing Consensus:

The Beijing Consensus, says Bennhold, is a “Confucian-Communist-Capitalist” hybrid under the umbrella of a one-party state, with a lot of government guidance, strictly controlled capital markets and an authoritarian decision-making process that is capable of making tough choices and long-term investments, without having to heed daily public polls.

Let me explain why I am so agitated from reading this question. Lately I have been having heated debates with some friends (and parents) regarding China’s economic policy. The debates usually get “heated” because the victimization and nationalistic tone of a typical Chinese (even Chinese Americans) would take on upon hearing criticisms of the Chinese government really ticks me off. As I try to be objective by pointing out how the Chinese leadership violates international commercial law and affects other developing countries, a typical Chinese / Chinese American would take on the argument in this way: If the Chinese Government is lifting 500 million above poverty, I don’t care if it is the Mexicans who are hurt. Then I would point out what I think is the core of the issue: it is that by cheating the international community, China would risk shutting down the international trade channel (as well as other, such as constructive dialogue), which would reduce the economic pie (as Econ 101 would teach you) and everybody lose, including China. Inevitably, the person I would have this debate on (who usually don’t have economic training but think that they know the issue) would not try to understand this explanation and continue with the victimization tone (“China had been bullied by the West 100 years ago…”) But let me not go into details on that one.

Anyway, back to the Beijing Consensus. What is really alarming to me is, if China’s economic growth based on its growth model at this time would lead short-sighted national leaders of developing country to consider resorting to one-party, authoritarian rule.

If national leaders started thinking that China’s political model and growth is the magic formula to growth in their country, we now have a justification for cracking down on human rights.

I don’t want to talk about politics nowadays because I realize that it alienates people and we never compromise. But somethings NEED to be talked about because it is very important. In this case, I felt that the increasing “successful” Chinese economic regime has become a justification for the existence of political oppression. I am happy that China’s economic growth has improved the lives of so many Chinese people, but I am also deeply troubled by how their growth experience would lead to the spread of their political doctrine to the rest of the developing world, who is still trying to figure out their growth formula.

Another reason why I am agitated is that I seriously question why newspapers nowadays constantly scream that “the power is shifting to the East,” as if it’s a foregone conclusion. I am stunned by the short-sightedness of pundits and politicians. This is mad hysteria. Of course, I don’t believe this is the truth. Here is why: China runs only a partly capitalistic system. In key area, it is still a command economy. For example, in the lending area. When the government wants to heat the economy up, it tells local government and banks: Here is your quota for production and lending, now go do it. And the local government and banks would do as they were bidden. Do you see the problem here? Recall what happened in the socialist production system? The result is a bunch of low-quality goods, many dysfunctional. In today’s Chinese economy, there might be more complicated economic products, such as financial loans. But the result is still the same: crappy loans. Bad quality loans. Another characteristic of the economy system due to the one-party system? Limited information and corruption (due to lack of check and balance). As outsiders, we do not know the bad stuff that is going on within that country because the media is not allowed to talk about it. But you can be sure that something bad is brewing. In Charles Kindleberger’s Financial Manics and Crashes, he reviews the financial crises in history dating back to several centuries ago. A common feature of Crashes is that the seed from them is laid during good times, and then as times went bad, there would be an eruption of news about corrupt company. Even in a country of mostly free information such as US, Enron took awhile to get out. In a country such as China, you can bet that something similar will come out some day. In the past year the government showered liquidity in its economy (the seed of trouble). You may see growth now, but I predict that something bad will inevitably leak out eventually and send shock waves to foreign investors.

Finally, I want to make a point about what constitutes “power shift” in economics term. Is it by the absolutely about of GDP figure? Or by the growth percentages? While people are amazed by the production power and figures, I ask, who is buying Chinese products? My answer: China and US are partners in crime. The Chinese government should be grateful to the low saving rate of the Americans for keeping them in power. It is the American consumerism that fuels the export growth in China (and export growth is what fuels its production figure). It takes 2 to tango. It is wrong to say that America alone caused the Financial crisis, because China also caused it. It caused it by keeping its exchange rate artificially low and fixed to the US dollar by avaricely buying up US Treasuries, allowing the US interest rate to be so low (in the mean time, the US government happily continues to spend), and consequently fueling world wide loose liquidity since 2002.

Conclusion: Okay, I see that growth is high in China while it is dismal in the rest of the developed world. Also, just because in this financial crisis, China is still having a high growth rate and the West is not — does not mean that the power has shifted. Economic growth is intimately related to the political system. Without checks and balance, without freedom of information, without a truly invisible hand, China will just remain a volatile, and unsustainable growth example that is a shining star for a brief moment.

If China is in a world of itself, it’s fine, because then the bad consequences will just be limited to itself. But its action affects the world (of course in both positive and negative way…but in this post, I am focusing on the negative), and it needs to be responsible for it. At least, recognize its responsibility and stop being arrogant.

One last point, and on a personal note: I may sound like a China hawk in this post, but let me say that I am not your typical china-bashing, imperialistic or brainwashed, Western observer who just want to see China wither. No — an emphatic NO. Several years ago (2001), when I was still in college, I was an enthusiastic student of Chinese history, political science, and economy. China has not even entered WTO then. There was so much possibilities for it to finally lay off its decades of humiliation by rising in the world. Then, I read a book written by Nicholas Lardy and it is titled “Integrating china into the World Economy.” The book placed China is a positive light, discussing how China is such a responsible player in the world economy, reducing tariffs earlier than it was supposed to. I was proud. China was playing according to rules of the world economy, being a cooperative player. Several years later, what I saw is: China has cheated its way to growth, and now being arrogant about its short run success. Readers of Chinese history probably knew that in previous dynasties of China, whenever foreigners conquerors conquered China, they would be willingly absorbed by the Chinese way of doing things (rather than the other way around). It seems that this is the expectation of how things should be conducted in China nowadays. I find myself much less hopeful for this country than 9 years ago.



A Reply to Little Brother on Playing with Stocks
January 27, 2010, 6:18 pm
Filed under: Random

Recently my brother asked me to give him some stock names to follow on his fancy cellphone. I ignored that email. Then he urged me again. And the following was my reply to him:

****************************

The reason I am NOT telling you stock names is that over my experience investing in stocks + studying finance, my conclusion with regarding to holding stocks is:

1. stock picking is exactly = gambling.

2. following stocks and tracking their prices is a distraction and waste of time from focusing on stuff that are important, i.e. planning your stores, i.e. focused on walking on the street to make sure no car is coming toward you. (especially since you have the cell phone, it’ll be easy to waste time on this meaningless activity)

3. the optimal and most careful way of investing in the stock market for a common joe is buying stock indices, NOT stock picking. (however, since your sister, me, is a an economist, I will do a bunch of seemingly complicated math to come up with the right allocation of investment).

Conclusion: the only recommendation I can give you if you want to invest in stocks is to buy the S&P 500 stock index.

Better yet, don’t waste time looking at stocks, and focus on builindg your career. Picking stocks is just like gambling.



The Seductive Beauty of Wind and Open Ocean
January 25, 2010, 2:34 am
Filed under: Adventure

As CM brought to my attention the news about the 16-year old girl Abby Sunderland’s quest to sail around the world nonstopped and unassisted via Cape Horn, I am back at admiring videos of my heroes.

Looking it fills me with anticipation and longing, I look forward to that one day when I have the resources to be part of this.



青花瓷
January 17, 2010, 4:24 pm
Filed under: Movies, Music

I finally started to watch the Taiwanese Drama “Fated to Love you” (yes, I know the title sounds extremely corny) after being prompted by pretty much everybody around me (high school friends, college friends, and even auntie have watched it). (Starting this drama perhaps is the most disastrous decision I made so far this year) The one actor that stood out for me is Baron Chen. He is so so so sooooooo cute! (he is the eldest son of the former leader of Taiwan’s largest gang group).

In my search for further work by Baron Chen, I came across the MTV of Jay Chou’s song 青花瓷 (Green Porcelin). And am currently is a bit obsessed with this song (perhaps because of the haunting drama in the MTV, and of course because of Baron Chen’s participation). To me, so far no Chinese male song writer has come close to Jay Chou’s talent in writing catchy melody. But my admiration for Jay Chou also stems from his exploration of the musical sounds of instruments from the Chinese and Western culture. In each subsequent album, he has demonstrated growth and creativity as a song writer. In this song, 青花瓷 , there is heavy use of Gu Zheng (古箏, a string keyboard that is sort of likened to be a Chinese piano). Below I post the original MTV (which is the first thing in my mind when I woke up today) and a solo Gu Zheng rendition of the song by somebody on Youtube.

P.S. I learned a little of Gu Zheng with my mother when I was younger. This past Christmas back to Hong Kong, I found out my mother has resumed taking lessons, and she gave me a short refreshment course on the subject as well.

The original MTV

A Gu Zheng solo:



Love is in the Air
January 12, 2010, 10:59 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle

Yesterday at 2:30am I had a little religious experience. I was reading/finishing a historical/fantasy novel about the French monarchy Catherine de Medici, and read a passage which promptly sent me to dizziness for all the dots it helped me connect.

In short, suddenly I thought I understand what love is. In short, I saw that LOVE IS IN THE AIR. In short, I saw that one can choose a life full of love because it is everywhere if one looks toward that direction.

For fear of ridicule, I will not describe the whole epithany here. But simply, I will say that, from now on I will not roll my eyes when I hear people on the street say “JESUS LOVES YOU.”



Last realization of 2009
January 1, 2010, 9:18 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle

My birthday in 2009 reinforced one point that I have come to realize as I grow older: quantity does not matter so much as quality.

In this case, it is the quality of love. The following is the story of how I came to really understand this on my birthday this year.

For a long time, I have not experienced birthday that is surrounded by a huge amount of friends, i.e. big parties, as the date inconveniently fell in finals or winter break/ away from school (I wrote out my working days in DC since then I didn’t have many friends; they are small birthday dinners) Thus my heart always itched to have a big one. (The last time I am surrounded by large quantity of good friends is in high school, age 18). Now this might sound very childish to some of you…it’s so high school, so insecure, so popularity-contest. But hey, I guess one always want what one does not have.

So on my 27th birthday, I decided to have a big one (before my actual birthday since it fell on winter holiday) and planned a pre-birthday dinner before I leave for Hong Kong. I emailed a huge amount of classmates/friends in Chicago. At that moment I thought: it is rare to be surrounded by so many “friends”, so I should seize this opportunity to have a big one. After the deed, I realized actually that my relationship with Chicago people is more of an “acquaintance” than friends–people I see everyday, but perhaps not really good friends with. But anyway, at that point, I was tired of spending birthdays with only family (as in my last 2 birthdays) or with 3-friends dinner (as in the past birthdays).

My pre-birthday dinner indeed turned out to be big; I had a table filled with people. During and after the fact, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted at all.

Then on the real day in Hong Kong, I had a small dinner with my parents and brothers, and afterwards the whole family went scavenging in a chaotic close-down sale in a store and lined up for 2 hours to buy some stuff.

And then my little brother (who has his birthday on 12/5, never with family) casually said to me: “You are so lucky to spend your birthday with family.”

I realized that spending my birthday with a small amount of people who truly truly loved me, even though they would sometimes brutally criticize me, is so much — so vastly much — more enjoyable and precious that a birthday with a roomful of people.

Now I know that what I want is to spend my birthdays with people who love me.

Hence the saying: less is more.

It is about the quality of love.

On hindsight, all my birthdays before age 27 were actually very well-spent — with those few people in each place that truly cared for me (including in Washington DC).

P.S. Of course, having a large quantity of high quality love is the ideal. I am ever so greedy. But I guess that will come with age and stability and luck. Not now. I have witnessed these large quantity of high quality love before in 3 forms: (1) ROASTS (2) festschrift (3) funerals. All three occasions are enormously moving. And I think the key factor leading to the moving speeches and testimonies you hear in these occasions are attributed to age and what you have done to deserve it.

So I have a vague idea of how to accumulate large quantity of high quality love — it is about the quantity and quality of deeds that you have done to deserve it.



Daffodils
December 9, 2009, 12:48 am
Filed under: Musings, Personal

By William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

I WANDER’D lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretch’d in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:
I gazed — and gazed — but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.



This exactly describes my days
December 6, 2009, 5:39 pm
Filed under: Lifestyle